August 11, 2015

       Adventure sports have many similarities to craft beers. They’ve both increased exponentially in both popularity and variety in the last few years, and they’re both big with Americans who own MLS jerseys. However, unlike craft breweries, adventure races can be improved, because society has yet to develop the Genesee Ice of adventure sports. From 5k obstacle courses such as the Warrior Dash to thousand mile races like the Iditarod, there’s a whole world of events for competitive outdoorspeople. There are many directions that the adventure racing phenomenon could travel. The futurists at One Time In Moab shook their magic 8-ball and came back with a list of adventure races that will almost certainly be huge in the next few years. Don’t be surprised if your adventurous friends talk you into competing in a couple of these disciplines in the near future.

The Pike’s Peak Half-Beerathon: Racers must complete a half marathon from the base of the Barr Trail to the summit of Pike’s Peak while finishing a beer from every brewery in Colorado Springs, sixteen in total. It’s a natural extension of the beer mile, and the location is perfect because all the drunk people can get donuts and coffee on the summit! Vomiting is an automatic disqualification.

Possible sponsor: Bristol Brewing Company

The Sisyphus Challenge: Named after the Greek mythological figure, the Sisyphus Challenge sees contestants rolling a 200-pound boulder up a mountain. After the contestants almost reach the summit, they have to roll the boulder down the hill, run down, and roll the boulder back up as many times as they can in four hours. Contestants participate one by one so nobody is hurt by boulders rolling downhill. This event should be popular with both the endurance crowd and competitive weightlifters. Possible Sponsors: Crossfit, GNC, Yale Classics Department

The Desert Pie Challenge: This exciting ultramarathon begins and ends at the Turkish border town of Kobani, where runners start the race with a clown pie. The route is a loop that takes runners south to the historic city of Raqqa, where runners must record themselves successfully pieing a member of the extremist organization ISIS. This race would be a huge hit with both endurance and adrenaline junkies. Possible Sponsors: New Balance, La Sportiva, UNICEF, New York Life Insurance

Chess-boxing, But On a Whitewater Raft: Affectionately known as CBOAWR, contestants must alternate between one-minute rounds of intellectually stimulating chess and thrilling boxing, all while trying to keep their two-person raft afloat in class 5 rapids. The top competitors would likely be rafting guides who are also violent geniuses.

Possible Sponsors: SOTAR Rafts, Everlast, MENSA

The Americas Challenge: Starting on the summit of Mount McKinley, contestants must run to Anchorage. From Anchorage, athletes must swim to San Francisco, where they are greeted by a cheering crowd and mount bicycles headed for Cape Horn, the southernmost point of the Americas. At Cape Horn, contestants turn around and bike back north, this time headed for the finish line in Kangiqsualujjuaq, Newfoundland. The reward for first place? A $500 REI gift card. Possible sponsors: Breitling, Giant, Colombian Tourism Bureau

Like A Tough Mudder, But With Fishing: To be honest, this event most likely already exists.